I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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