But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
