Your face is a jimmy john
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
