hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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