i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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