i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
