My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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