If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We got so high we made milksteak
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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