she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I came so hard my ears popped.
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