Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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