They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
