She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
