I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
