so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
