Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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