I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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