and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
