Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Still dying that you shit outside
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
