i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
