I'm going to rape someone's good day.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
