i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
