When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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