there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
