I am midnight drunk by noon
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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