I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were trust falling into bushes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
