I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
