He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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