we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
