this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
