what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
