I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
