You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
