u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
