i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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