dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
