you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
