Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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