"it" just moved
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
