he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just invented taco cereal.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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