i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
