I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
