Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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