New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
