Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
