I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My butt remains clenched, sir.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
