the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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