I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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