Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
