used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you inspire me to be a worse person
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
