but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
