All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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